


text me, beep me

by sadrien



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Gen, Late Night texts, Texting, texts, w/e
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-16
Updated: 2016-07-23
Packaged: 2018-07-24 07:12:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7498974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadrien/pseuds/sadrien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[adrien changed their name to rich bitch]</p><p>rich bitch: rhymes!!!</p><p>nino: oh boy</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. oh boy

**Author's Note:**

> this has been in my notes for a while and it was heavily inspired by "chat with me" so go check that out bc it's A1  
> enjoy  
> ps i decided to gift this work to phoebehasproblems bc she blessed me with her fic

[july 15, 2016, 02:07]

alya: hey

marinette: alya

alya: what

marinette: alya

marinette: alya

marinette: alYA

alya: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT

marinette: i found out who ladybug is

alya: OMFH

alya: ARW YOU FUVJINF KIDUNG ME RN

marinette: no

marinette: ladybug is...

marinette: adrien

alya: i'm gonna fucking smack you

alya: whore ass cunt

[marinette changed their name to whore ass cunt]

nino: it is literally 2 am rn stfu

alya: lmao make me

alya: ;)

whore ass cunt: i bet nino knows how to make alya shut up

adrien: i bet they kiss

whore ass cunt: OOOOOHHHHH

whore ass cunt: wait no

whore ass cunt: i bet he eats her out

alya: haha

alya: sure

nino: i h8 u

alya: that's why you asked me out

adrien: how much do you wanna bet that nino has a hard-on

nino: kys

whore ass cunt: nino omg adrien is ladybug

adrien: mari

adrien: why you gotta do me like that

adrien: my secret identity is revealed bc of u

adrien: goddamnit

whore ass cunt: i'm sorry

whore ass cunt: lmfao jk bitch u woulda thought

alya: mari! suck language

whore ass cunt: i'm sure you know suck language

whore ass cunt: right, nino ;))

nino: i'm literally trying to sleep pls stfu

adrien: blowjobs yay

whore ass cunt: b quiet i bet you've never even jacked off

nino: no he has

nino: he's jacked off to the thousands of pictures of ladybug on the ladyblog

adrien: nO THAT IsN'T TRUE

alya: did some1 mention ladybug?

nino: no babe it's all good

alya: oh so now i'm you're babe?

adrien: your*

nino: baby don't be like that

[alya changed their name to baby]

baby: kinky!!!

whore ass cunt: we need more people

[whore ass cunt added queen bitch to the chat]

queen bitch: it is 2 in the morning what could you assholes possibly want

adrien: is that chloé

whore ass cunt: omg how'd you know??1?2?2?

adrien: i don't appreciate your sarcasm

baby: shit

nino: lmfao are adrien and i the only wons with normal names?

queen bitch: WONS LMAO

whore ass cunt: ones*

baby: wait i'm still processing the fact that chloé is here give me a second

[queen bitch added sabrina to the chat]

queen bitch: peasant did u do our hw

[sabrina changed their name to peasant]

peasant: yes master

baby: i think there's some freaky shit going on with master and peasant

baby: huh

baby: ;)))

adrien: oh

queen bee: stfu

whore ass cunt: haha

whore ass cunt: i bet the master tells the peasant instructions

whore ass cunt: dom in bed huh chlo?

peasant: fuck this

peasant: i'm outtie

[peasant left the chat]

queen bitch: you fu king cunts

[baby kicked queen bitch out of the chat]

[baby changed the group name to fu king cunts]

baby: whoops

adrien: r00d

nino: bless

whore ass cunt: i'm bored again!!

[whore ass cunt added kim and alix to the chat]

baby: oh great

baby: dum jock and pixie dick are here

[kim changed their name to dum jock]

[alix changed their name to pixie dick]

whore ass cunt: LMFAO

adrien: wtf

nino: WOAH ADRIEN INDIRECTLY CURSED

whore ass cunt: OMFG

baby: WOW

pixie dick: omg adrien!! i'm so proud of you!!

dum jock: i'm so proud of my son

adrien: you're not my dad

pixie dick: yeah kim i thought you were my daddy?

adrien: LMFAOOOO

whore ass cunt: i think my parents are awake

baby: why?

whore ass cunt: because i'm laughing so hard they can hear me from down the hall

nino: my third otp right here

baby: who?

nino: pixie dick and dum jock

adrien: same

whore ass cunt: be quiet rich bitch

[adrien changed their name to rich bitch]

rich bitch: rhymes!!!

nino: oh boy


	2. mariturd!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mariwhore: throw up all the shit that comes out of your mouth
> 
> turd: OOOOHHHH
> 
> nino: gb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I GOT SUCH A POSITIVE REACTION OMFG ILYSM

[july 17, 2016, 04:19]

baby: hello you fucking cunts

nino: babe ily but shut the fuck up rn 

baby: fuck you

[baby left the chat]

[nino added baby to the chat]

nino: don't be like that baby

whore ass cunt: guys stfu ok

rich bitch: yeah fr fuck off

baby: WTF ADRIEN

rich bitch: wtf do you want

baby: fu king r00d

rich bitch: it is literally almost 4:30 in the fucking morning and i literally had two hours of sleep before this happened

whore ass cunt: aww adrien don't be like that :((

rich bitch: sorry mari i'm just really tured

whore ass cunt: turd**

[rich bitch changed their name to turd]

whore ass cunt: finally matches your personality you fucking piece of shit

turd: first of all

turd: fuck you

baby: i bet you'd like that 

baby: huh adrien

turd: uh

baby: ;)))

turd: pls b quiet

whore ass cunt: listen to him 

baby: i bet you'd really like to fuck mari's adorable jiggly ass

whore ass cunt: ALYA

turd: i

turd: uh

turd: um

baby: right??

whore ass cunt: I WILL EN D YOU 

nino: i know for a fact that adrien stares at marinette's very nice ass

turd: NINO STFU

baby: marinette indeed has a very nice ass

turd: GUYS PLEASE

baby: but adrien has a very nice ass too

baby: they could be ass buddies

baby: or nice chest buddies if u know what i mean ;D

turd: wha

baby: why do you think marinette gropes your chest when she falls

whore ass cunt: SHUT UP OMFG

whore ass cunt: KYS YOU CUMDUMPSTER I BET YOU AND NINO DO IT EVERYDAY

[baby changed their name to cumdumpster]

turd: i am uncomfortable

cumdumpster: in your jeans huh

whore ass cunt: alya if you type a winky face i will personally come over and rip your neck out

[cumdumpster is typing] 

(...)

-

(...)

-

cumdumpster: ok

dum jock: GUYS HONESTLY SHUT THE FUCK UP

pixie dick: FR KIM AND I ARE TRYING TO HAVE A QUICKIE IN MY CLOSET

turd: what

dum jock: what

pixie dick: what

[whore ass cunt kicked dum jock out of the chat]

[whore ass cunt kicked pixie dick out of the chat]

turd: bless

nino: honestly shut the fuck up or i'll smack you

turd: no pls

cumdumpster: pussy

turd: you are what you eat

cumdumpster: i bet you're secretly eating mariwhore out rn

[whore ass cunt changed their name to mariwhore]

mariwhore: yes

mariwhore: adrien and i are having a secret fucking rendezvous 

turd: indeed

nino: guys i want to kms

turd: why

nino: i think i'm about to fucking throw up 

mariwhore: throw up all the shit that comes out of your mouth

turd: OOOOHHHH

nino: gb


	3. ADRIWHORE IS CANON

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [july 18, 2016, 00:49]
> 
> cumdumpster: when will my husband be back from the war

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rip nino  
> NEXT CHAPTER IS UP TONIGHT BC WHY NOT I HAVE ALL THE FREE TIME IN THE WORLD

[ july 17, 2016, 07:43 ]

mariwhore: what's the hw 

turd: we had that one english assignment and then ms. bustier gave us history

mariwhore: i don't understand why we have english who's gonna speak english in fucking france

turd: idk 

turd: tourists??

mariwhore: who would wanna come to this shithole

turd: your mom, apparently

mariwhore: ....

turd: lmfao

mariwhore: kys you cunt

turd: i am not a fucking clitoris 

mariwhore: DON'T USE YOUR FUCKING TECHNICAL TERMS WITH ME YOU PIECE OF SHIT

turd: mari pls

mariwhore: where the fuck are alya and nibo

mariwhore: BINO****

mariwhore: FUCKING GOD NINO***

[nino changed their name to nibo bino]

turd: OMFG LMAO

mariwhore: JFC BYE

turd: NO MARI PLS DON'T LEAVE I'M SORRY

turd: for your incorrect spelling

turd: ... hello?

[july 17, 2016, 08:02]

turd: GET OFF OF MY FUCKING LAWN

mariwhore: I'M CLIMBING UP TO YOUR ROOM WINDOW

turd: W AHT THE FUCK STIP

mariwhore: NO

[july 17, 2016, 09:17]

nibo bino: ALYA GET YOUR BEST FRIEND OFF OF MINE

nibo bino: SHE'S SMACKING HIM RN 

nibo bino: I'M ON THE PHONE WITH HIM

cumdumpster: oh lmao

nibo bino: all noises stopped 

nibo bino: adrien? marinette?

cumdumpster: did she kill hik

nibo bino: WHAT THE FUCK

nibo bino: I CAME UP AND THEJSJSVDBDNDK

[mariwhore kicked nibo bino out of the chat]

turd: NOTHING WAS HAPPENING 

mariwhore: WHAT HE SAID

[cumdumpster added nibo bino into the chat]

nibo bino: ALYA WHAT TJE FUCK I'M RINNING AWAY BUR THEU WERE MAKING OUY

cumdumpster: OH MY GOD

cumdumpster: OH MY GOD

cumdumpster: O H M Y G O D

turd: STFU NINO

mariwhore: SHUT THE FUCK UP

turd: YOU'RE FUCKING DEAD, KIDDO

cumdumpster: WASN'T THAT FROM THE NAVY SEALS COPYPASTA

turd: yes

turd: now bye me and mari are on the way to killing nibo bino

cumdumpster: ok gb

nibo bino: ALYA 

nibo bino: OK FUCK YOU I'M RUNNING AS FAST AS I CAN I LOVE YOU AND COME TO MY FUNERAL

cumdumpster: ... noooo

[july 18, 2016, 00:49] 

cumdumpster: when will my husband be back from the war


	4. fucknuggets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> adrien and nino get erections!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK SO IMPORTANT  
> there is sexual touching discussed in this chapter and ages are confirmed but i'm not changing the rating or warnings being age of consent in france is 15 and this is one chapter

[july 18, 2016, 05:58]

cumdumpster: so

nibo bino: so

cumdumpster: are you ok

nibo bino: i'm right next to you 

cumdumpster: yeah but my sisters are gonna wake up if we talk 

nibo bino: tru

cumdumpster: are u ok tho

nibo bino: kinda

nibo bino: care to help me heal fully?

cumdumpster: gladly

[july 18, 2016, 06:00]

nibo bino: ALYA

cumdumpster: yes?

nibo bino: WHAT THE FUCK

cumdumpster: what

nibo bino: YOUR SISTERS ARE IN THE SAME ROOM AS US

cumdumpster: and?

nibo bino: YOU'RE NOT SETTING A GOOD EXAMPLE AS A SOON TO BE ADULT

cumdumpster: by?

nibo bino: YOU JUST FUCKING RUBBED ME DOWN

cumdumpster: i'm turning 18 next week chill

nibo bino: GOD FUCKING DAMNIT

cumdumpster: lmfao

cumdumpster: DO YOU HAVE A FUCKING BONER

cumdumpster: IT'S POKING INTO MY ASS GET THAT SHIT AWAY FROM M

nibo bino: THIS IS YOUR FAULT DEAL WITH IT

nibo bino: DON'T PUSH YOUR ASS INTO ME WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU INSANE

turd: LMFAO WHAT'S GOING ON

mariwhore: FR OML

turd: this is highly amusing

[mariwhore is typing]

(...)

turd: i hate you

mariwhore: lmfao get away from me

turd: i fucking hate you

mariwhore: that's not what you just said huh

turd: FUCK YOU

mariwhore: isn't that the plan

turd: i'm going back to sleep

turd: bitch

turd: NO DON'T LEAVE

mariwhore: apologize

turd: I'M SORRY

turd: PLS DON'T LEAVE ME

mariwhore: ok

mariwhore: better

cumdumpster: what happened

turd: NOTHING

mariwhore: more like everything

nibo bino: are they fucking

mariwhore: nah that was a joke

turd: mari it is 5am why did you fucking do that

mariwhore: lmfao

mariwhore: i'm saving myself for that one true some1

cumdumpster: u mean adrien

mariwhore: ...

mariwhore: yeah but i'm not even 18 yet soo

turd: and i'm not ready

mariwhore: ^^^ i don't wanna make him uncomfortable

turd: aww bb

mariwhore <33

cumdumpster: OMFG YOU GUYS ARE SO CUTE

cumdumpster: MY FUCKING GOALS RIGHT THERE WOWZA

nibo bino: didn't you guys get together today or smth

turd: ...

mariwhore: yes??

cumdumpster: WERE YOU GUYS ALREADY TOGETHER

mariwhore: lmfao it's been a year i'm surprised you just noticed

cumdumpster: WHAT THE FUCK

nibo bino: i'm not surprised tbh

turd: lmao mari's really cute when she's sleeping

mariwhore: look who's talking, adonis

[turd changed their name to adonis]

adonis: but you're my goddess

mariwhore: idk who adonis got with

adonis: it's ok

adonis: i'll still love you <333

mariwhore: ily2 boo <3

cumdumpster: i'm literally getting diabetes leave me be

mariwhore: did u just

adonis: lmfao gotta zayn

cumdumpster: what happened

mariwhore: did u just smack my ass

adonis: you have a very nice ass what can i say

nibo bino: why'd u deny it

adonis: couldn't let you guys know

cumdumpster: don't let them in

cumdumpster: don't let them see

mariwhore: adrien can we just sleep 

adonis: i'm sorry, love 

mariwhore: better be let me fucking sleep 

turd: love u too 


	5. #triggered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cumdumpster: #triggered
> 
> nibo bino: fuck you all i'm going to sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if u get #triggered by people saying kms, kys and shit like that i honestly think you should stop reading right now bc i don't want some1 to literally actually get triggered and i don't need anyone lecturing me on suicide bc i know what it is ok so pls leave me alone bc i have had suicidal thoughts for a while in the past so i let them out with bad writing and joking about my insecurities  
> ok bye

[july 20, 2016, 01:48]

cumdumpster: i wanted a cookie

mariwhore: but my mom said no

cumdumpster: so i took it anyways

mariwhore: and thats how it goes

cumdumpster: so deal with it

mariwhore: just deal with it

nibo bino: isn't that some english youtube video or some shit

mariwhore: stfu nobody asked

adonis: damn mari so rude

mariwhore: b quiet

adonis: um

adonis: is that any way to talk to ur super hot boyfriend that has a1 grades and is super amazing

mariwhore: but i'm hotter

adonis: shit u rite

mariwhore: aren't i always

adonis: can't argue with that

nibo bino: two days into relationship and chill and she gives u that look

mariwhore: this is a fucking chat on our phones u retard

cumdumpster: HEY

cumdumpster: ONLY I GET TO TALK TO HIM LIKE THAT

mariwhore: i've literally known him for over 12 years go suck on my fucking cock

cumdumpster: i only do that for nino

cumdumpster: you shitfaced tarantula

[mariwhore changed their name to shitfaced tarantula]

shitfaced tarantula: i've literally changed my name more times than adrien has interacted with his father

adonis: WHAT

shitfaced tarantula: what

adonis: r00d

shitfaced tarantula: im gonna sleep gb

[july 20, 2016, 02:17]

shitfaced tarantula: ADRIEN GET OFF OF MY FUCKING BALCONY

adonis: but i'm lonely

cumdumpster: how did he even get on ur balcony

shitfaced tarantula: um

shitfaced tarantula: i 

shitfaced tarantula: i got him a

shitfaced tarantula: grappling hook

shitfaced tarantula: for his birthday???

cumdumpster: aww thats so sweet

adonis: yes 

adonis: now i can escape the cruel reality that is my life

shitfaced tarantula : aww bb with that face i can't let u down

shitfaced tarantula : u know where the spare key is

adonis: YAY

shitfaced tarantula : jfc u r an actual cat

shitfaced tarantula : ALYA

cumdumpster: what

shitfaced tarantula: u know adrien actually purrs when hes sleeping

cumdumpster: R U JOKING

shitfaced tarantula: NO LMAO

adonis: 3:

shitfaced tarantula: AWW NO ADRIEN COME BACK IM COLD

adonis: ok

adonis: im sorry

shitfaced tarantula: NO IM SORRY PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME

adonis: i won't 

cumdumpster: id rather kms than watch u guys be all fluffy

shitfaced tarantula: kys then

cumdumpster: #triggered

nibo bino: fuck you all i'm going to sleep


	6. mari me now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> adri: YOU JUST MADE THREE CAT PUNS IN ONE SENTENCE
> 
> adri: MARI ME NOW
> 
> ally: i'm so lost
> 
> el niño: u and me both alya

[july 23, 2016, 13:49]

 

shitfaced tarantula: where is everyone wtf

shitfaced tarantula: i'm at school and no1 is here

adonis: mari it's saturday

shitfaced tarantula: wtf

adonis: u can come over tho

cumdumpster: oooh

cumdumpster: are daddy agreste and nathalie not home

adonis: first of all

adonis: no, they aren't 

adonis: second of all

adonis: if you call him daddy agreste ONE MORE TIME i will literally come to your house and fucking smack you

nibo bino: BOI IF YOU SMACK MY GIRLFRIEND I WILL FUCKING HURT U

adonis: oi

shitfaced tarantula: WOAH

shitfaced tarantula: VIOLENCE

adonis: ok w.e

adonis: mari can u come over tho

shitfaced tarantula: might as well tbh this group chat filled with fucking cuntsuckers is beginning to bore me

 

[cumdumpster changed the group name to fucking cuntsuckers]

 

adonis: nice

 

[july 23, 15:28]

 

adonis: mari wtf r u doing

shitfaced tarantula: wait for a sec

adonis: you locked me in my fucking closet

cumdumpster: FUCKINK KINKY

cumdumpster: kinky boots ayye

 

[shitfaced tarantula changed their name to kinkyboots]

 

kinkyboots: yeah sure

adonis: MARI WHAT ARE YOU DOING

adonis: I HEAR ANIMALS

adonis: DID YOU JUST LEAVE

adonis: WHAT THE HELL LET ME OUT

adonis: I AM LITERALLY STARTING TO FREAK OUT DUDE

adonis: PLEASE OMG MARI PLS PLS PLS

kinkyboots: i'm in your littchen chill your abs

cumdumpster: CHILL YOUR ABS I'M

adonis: littchen LMFAO

kinkyboots: there

kinkyboots: the key is on the third shelf let urself out

adonis: ok

adonis: OMG

adonis: MARI OMFG ILYSFM

adonis: SCREAMING RN

kinkyboots: ik i can hear ur squeals of joy from the fucking litting room

nibo bino: what happened

adonis: ANIMALS 

adonis: ANIMALS EVERYWHERE

adonis: BUNNIES, PUPPIES, HAMSTERS, SO MANY FISH IN BOWLS

adonis: AND THE KITTENS

adonis: THE FUCKING KITTENS ARE THE BEST

adonis: THEY'RE SO TINY AND CUTE

kinkyboots: ADRI R U CRYING

adonis: I'M SO HAPPY 

adonis: I'M SORRY

kinkyboots: AWW UR SO ADORABLE

kinkyboots: i'm coming up

cumdumpster: a d r i

 

[adonis changed their name to adri]

 

adri: yeah that's mari's nickname for me

cumdumpster: AWWW 

cumdumpster: nino has a nickname for me too

 

[cumdumpster changed their name to ally]

 

ally: it's better when he says it irl buh w.e

nibo bino: ye

nibo bino: babe i gottu

 

[nibo bino changed their name to el niño]

 

el niño: top that

 

[kinkyboots changed their name to princess]

 

princess: i have the best nickname out of all of you

princess: and el niño LMFAO

ally: ADRIEN CALLS U PRINCESS I'M

el niño: that's actually pretty adorable man

adri: she's my princess ✨

ally: i thought u had a samsung

adri: nah i got an iphone a week ago

princess: ye he got me one too

ally: i still have a better camera for the ladyblog

ally: top that

princess: i am ladybug

ally: WHAT

princess: i met ladybug* sorry typo

ally: OMG WHEN

princess: adrien and i met her like a month ago

adri: yeah ladybug is super cool

princess: i purrsonally purr-fur chat noir

adri: YOU JUST MADE THREE CAT PUNS IN ONE SENTENCE

adri: MARI ME NOW

ally: i'm so lost

el niño: u and me both alya


	7. SAVED

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> princess: that's your fucking save?

[july 23, 2016, 18:17]

 

princess: hello my friends

ally: shut the fuck up

princess: ily2

adri: what happened to me 

princess: ur old news 

princess: alya is way hotter than u

ally: move out the way rich boy

el niño: alya what happened to our bond

ally: marinette feeds me better

el niño: oh

el niño: looks into the camera like i'm on the office

 

[july 23, 2016, 21:34]

 

el niño: hey guys

el niño: when mari called adrien ladybug

el niño: what if ladybug is actually in this chat rn?

ally: no way

 

[princess added paintbitch]

 

princess: nathanaël is actually ladybug

paintbitch: um

paintbitch: wtf who's princess

princess: it's marinette you fucking cunt

paintbitch: oh

ally: awkward

el niño: well

paintbitch: yo no comprendo

ally: we're french

 

[july 24, 2016, 01:41]

 

ally: what if

ally: what if adrien actually is ladybug??

adri: volpina

ally: damn

ally: what about nino?

el niño: bubbler

ally: oh

ally: nath?

paintbitch: evillustrator

ally: wb mari??

adri: nahh

princess: um

princess: timebreaker??

ally: maybe

ally: oh but there were two ladybugs then

princess: um

adri: MARI HAS BEEN WITH ME THRU AKUMA ATTACKS

adri: gotta protect the gf

 

[princess removed paintbitch, ally, and el niño from the chat]

 

princess: seriously

princess: that's your fucking save?


End file.
